I mean, surely you’d love one wouldn’t you? Go on, admit it – you’re fed up with your gutless one point two litre tin box that does fifty to the gallon.
Okay fair enough, you’re not keen on Hummers – they’re a bit too bling and a pain to park, so what about a big V12? Five litre Jags are cheap enough and thick on the ground. Come on! Grab one, fire it up and thrash the beast till its tyres smoke. Experience the sheer thrill of burning a couple of quid’s worth of fuel in the blink of a reckless eye; it’s the closest most of you’ll get to hurling a petrol bomb in a riot.
"But Carbon footprints!" I hear you scream. "Back to bicycles!" "Save the planet!"
Save your slogans, you’ve been brainwashed. Turned into a gibbering bunch of guilt-ridden car-owners nauseated by the stench of your paltry exhaust fumes.
Have you ever heard a General worrying about a soldier’s carbon footprint? Ever wondered how many miles to the gallon an aircraft carrier does?
While we’re all being cattle-prodded into Noddy cars and truck-infested cycle lanes, the planet’s ever-expanding fleet of military vehicles sucks in oil by the barrel and belches out filthy fumes with guilt-free abandon. While we save fuel by humbly tootling about in pathetic underpowered pedal cars, jet fighters are criss-crossing the sky burning God knows how many litres a second and legions of thirsty tanks are guzzling their way across the world’s battle fields.
While we’re all being cattle-prodded into Noddy cars and truck-infested cycle lanes, the planet’s ever-expanding fleet of military vehicles sucks in oil by the barrel and belches out filthy fumes with guilt-free abandon. While we save fuel by humbly tootling about in pathetic underpowered pedal cars, jet fighters are criss-crossing the sky burning God knows how many litres a second and legions of thirsty tanks are guzzling their way across the world’s battle fields.
"So what!" you say, "We’re not to blame."
Think again. Your kowtowing to the brain-sapping eco-bullying of our great leaders is taking the pressure off their oil supplies. The more you save, the more they have left to burn. Picture this: the military machines of the world grinding to a halt as the oil finally dries up. Bury your heads in the sand, keep worrying about your fuel consumption and you’ll prolong their existence for decades to come.
But if everyone did their bit, got a Hummer and had some fun, it’d just be a matter of years before all the oil was gone.
But if everyone did their bit, got a Hummer and had some fun, it’d just be a matter of years before all the oil was gone.
A twenty tonne Chinook won't get far on solar power.
